The Sound of Shattering
by bellagill92
Summary: Even back when she was only his sacrifice, Siegrain couldn't help but lust for Erza Scarlet. Kissing her, however, was taking a step too far - little had he known at the time that doing so would be the start of his own undoing. Jerza Love Fest 2016 - Day 4: Secret and Day 7: Return. (AU where Jellal breaks free from Ultear's control shortly after Erza meets him as Siegrain).


**A/N: And so I give you another AU!**

 **This was supposed to have been posted during Jerza Love Fest. I feel like I am always apologizing for my lateness... in my defense, 12k words take some time to write in between workdays.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy it. You probably know that I am no good at writing smut... so I didn't, though things get a little heated towards the end. Just bear with me, please!**

"Leaving so early, Siegrain?" Ultear asked, stepping out of her councilwoman office as she saw him walking outside with his coat and a pile of paperwork on hand.

He hesitated a moment before turning around. "I thought I would just go ahead and finish this at home. The renovations downstairs make it so noisy and hard to focus here – I am sure I will be able to finish this far faster at home and allow myself more time to dedicate to… more personal endeavors."

Ultear smiled. Of course – the tower… it was so close to completion… soon it would be completed and Lord Zeref would rise to start the world anew. "True, it is disgraceful to work in these conditions. But tell me… how are your pet projects progressing?"

"Slowly but steadily," he responded simply. "I will update you when they are ready for the next step, of course."

"I'll await most eagerly," Ultear responded before starting to turn around. "Well, I'll see you on Monday then."

He gave her a nod as she walked away. "Until then."

They walked on different directions, but it wasn't until they were on different floors that he actually released the breath he had been desperately holding onto. _It's over,_ he told himself. _For now, at least._ He had made it through another day, another conversation without her noticing the way he was grasping his hand in a tight fist under his coat or how his heart was drumming so hard that it threatened to burst out of his chest, or even how his voice was dangerously close to trembling as he spoke lie after lie. Played the part that he had been so terribly miscast for…

 _You made it_ , he told himself in order to calm down. _You made it another time. The rest is a story for another day._

The toad-faced guards bid him a good weekend as he exited through the main doors of the Magic Council headquarters, to which he responded with a nod. His apartment was not far from there – only three blocks away in a cold, luxurious building in which he felt so out of place.

Usually he detested being in it, what with those marble floors and ornate ceilings being just another part of the set for the play his life now was… that time, however, he didn't dread it so much. He had good reasons not to – after all, good things would come for him there that day. Or rather, one good thing… person. The strongest drive for him to keep going.

In his eagerness to get everything ready, the paperwork he'd brought was left on the table in the apartment's entrance hall and the coat on a chair instead of neatly on the closet where he usually placed it. He rushed to the kitchen, right through the living room, intending to set the kettle to boil in order to brew some tea, but got only halfway to see that he was already too late.

"Jel…" Erza Scarlet wasn't even able to finish uttering his name. She still midway from rising from his couch when he crossed the entire distance between her and the door and desperately, wordlessly, wrapped his arms around her. If she was startled by his action, Erza certainly did not give it away – she simply hugged him in return, although concern would be visible if he were looking at her face.

"Is there something wrong?" she questioned.

He sighed against the side of her face. "I missed you," he mumbled, not quite answering the question.

It had been two weeks since he had last seen her and only briefly – in their current situation, they could not afford to meet often enough that people would find it odd – there was too much at stake. So, he allowed himself the time to appreciate her presence because God knew how long it would be before he got to see her again and be able to enjoy it.

When he finally released her, her look was inquisitive. "You did not answer my question. Is there something wrong?"

He sighed and looked down, taking a seat at the table. "I'm just no good at this," he mumbled.

She sat down too. "At what?"

"This… deception… playing the part… It feels like my chest will burst every time I have to open my mouth and say something even remotely staged. It's a miracle that I haven't been caught yet."

She shook her head. "You have already managed three months. The Master thinks it will not be much longer before we have a breakthrough," she reassured him. "But if it's too much, just say it… if you want to back off now…"

He shook his head immediately. "No. You know I have to take this 'till the end," he said immediately. Even if it killed him, he had to. "It's too important… and I am the only one in a position to do it."

Erza pursed her lips but nodded. She hated to see him like that – deception did not come by him naturally – not to his true self at least. That had been one of the reasons why Erza had disliked the mission he had been given from the start.

Three months before, everything had started the usual way: with Fairy Tail destroying something. That time, it had been a priceless painting at a museum, courtesy of Erza's wayward blades.

The Magic Council had, as usual, been aggravated with yet another display of irresponsibility from the guild of misfits and Councilman Siegrain, who had only just (officially, at least) met the fiery redhead a few weeks before, had been quite eager to push her buttons – that time, he'd decided to do so by calling in an inquiry on the incident to be led by himself. Master Yajima, Makarov's old friend, aware of his colleague's animosity with Titania (courtesy of her having punched him in public not a month before), had insisted that he be accompanied by at least another member of the council. Of course, Yajima himself was disqualified due to his past connection to Fairy Tail and Ultear was quick to offer her services, although she was also quickly dismissed by older members of the assembly who were too prideful to solely hand an investigation to their two newest members and risk looking bad in comparison. Councilwoman Belno had ended up joining, which Siegrain had been fine with, thinking her an old hag that he could easily maneuver.

Erza had been, predictably, more than a little irritated with his presence and openly defiant to all of his choices in the investigation. She had fire in her – he couldn't help but be attracted to it like a moth to a flame, even knowing she was nothing more than a sacrifice at the end of the day. Such a pity…

Belno had ended up being less agreeable than he had predicted and he had to jump through hoops for the whole two days that the inquiry lasted in order to finally get some time alone with Erza. He did so by insisting on separate questionings by each of them on Erza's account of the day of the incident and thoroughly made a point of making it as uncomfortable as humanely possible for her. Every glare she sent his way only fueled him further – by the end of it, she was fuming. He loved every minute of it.

"Are we done?" Erza said at one point, getting up to show that she was done. "I would say you have already asked every question imaginable to man."

"Oh, I'm sure I could come up with a few more," Siegrain stated in a tone that could almost be called 'flirty', although he got up as well. "But I'm certain that we will need some novelty for next time, so I will just leave them until then."

She turned her back on him, heading for the door. "If you think there will be a next time…"

He moved quicker than her, reaching the door first and placing his hand on it, trying to block it. "Such hostility is bad for your health, Miss Scarlet. You would do well to relax," he taunted her.

She looked up with utter disdain. "Get out of my way, _Coulcilman_."

Siegrain sighed. "I suppose it is true what they say… red hair…" he said in a low tone, causing her to tense as his fingers brushed against the tips of her locks "… it truly is the loveliest color. A pity it always comes with a temper."

She stared up at him completely frozen, eyes wide with shock. He had no doubt at that moment that she was thinking of him. Not the him she thought he was – his 'twin'. Jellal Fernandes was the only thought in her mind at that moment and, boy, did that knowing that make him _insane_. Insane enough that he made a mistake – one that would end him.

So, lost in the haunted look of her eyes, he leaned closer and closer, only stopping when their lips touched. She didn't fight him – she didn't move at all although he felt her tensing further. It wasn't particularly deep, either – he might have intended to deepen it at some point but there simply wasn't time… not because she finally regained her bounds and pushed him away; no… she remained still all through the duration of the kiss. It was something inside that stopped him… a jolt of sorts.

Before he knew it, his mind was full of cracks – cracks that widened quickly, more and more until…

 _Shatter!_

As something crumbled within him like a dam, he felt his mind being utterly flooded. Flooded with what, one might ask? Thoughts, realizations, a conscience, perhaps, all at once, fighting their way in the most painful way possible. He didn't know what was happening – he simply knew like his head was about to explode and he had no idea why.

It was when he stepped back, clutching his head that Erza finally regained her ability to speak. The look she shot him was murderous. "You…" she'd started. "How dare…?"

"I'm s-sorry," he stammered. He didn't even know what he was apologizing for. There were so many thoughts in his head – he couldn't even tell them all apart.

"You think you can just apologize and be done w…"

She was unable to finish her angry words, seeing before her own eyes as his legs collapse beneath him and he fell to the floor on his knwws. It was in that moment that she realized something was wrong. The way he was clutching his head, the way he couldn't even hold himself up… Yes, something was terribly wrong, and she might not like the man, but she could not simply ignore someone suffering right in front of her – she just didn't have it in herself.

Erza lowered herself to the floor, facing him as he sat on his knees, hands fisting his own hair as he rocked back and forth, trying to ease the pain in his head. "Siegrain," she called, concerned. He did not respond – she wasn't sure that he could. "Sieg…"

And suddenly, he looked up at her, eyes bloodshot and full of desperation. "Why did I do it? I don't know why I did it!" he said.

"Did what?" she managed to ask.

"Send you away, Erza!" he said, one of his hands leaving his head and reaching for her forearm, holding onto it like a lifeline. She froze – not just due to the touch but also the words. "Why did I send you away? We would have won. We would have escaped and we would have been free… all of us."

Just like that it all clicked – he was speaking about the slave rebellion all those years ago, about sabotaging it and then sending her away… only it hadn't been Siegrain to do those things. No. It had been… "Jellal?" she asked softly, disbelieving.

"Why would I do that?" he was whispering to himself more than her. "Why?"

Panic hit her all at once. That was Jellal. Jellal kneeling right in front of her. And he was in pain – _so_ much pain – and no matter how much he had wronged her, she just couldn't bear to see him like that. "Jellal, tell me what you are feeling. Where does it hurt? Is it your head?" But he did not respond – he just kept mumbling to himself about not understanding so she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Jellal, talk to me!"

That seemed to grab his attention. "Erza," he started… only to go unconscious almost immediately, falling forwards, limply, into her arms.

Later, he had been told all about what had happened next. How Erza had immediately called in the Master (who later confessed that, for a moment upon walking in, he had thought Erza might have just snapped and attacked him – that was, up until he had seen the despair in her eyes), who in turn had quickly dispatched Porlyusica. Her examination had been long and thorough and garnered the most puzzling results – that physically there was absolutely nothing wrong with Jellal Fernandes other than slightly increased heart-rate and blood pressure. It just did not make sense – why would he have looked in such plain if there was nothing wrong with him?

The response for that question had come through Councilwoman Belno herself. She had been busy questioning other members of the team Erza had taken her last disastrous job with and only noticed the commotion once she was done with those. A lesser person would have entered the room to find her colleague unconscious with someone he had a tense relationship with hovering nearby and taken the obvious conclusions – Belno, however, was no such thing and gave them thirty seconds to explain was going on.

And explain they did – it took a lot more than thirty seconds, but she still listened to every word and asked questions in return, both to Erza, Makarov and even Porlyusica, for her medical expertise. She was as puzzled as they were that there was nothing physically wrong with Siegrain, going as far as to make her own brief examination using what limited medical knowledge she had, only to reach the same conclusion as the Medical Adviser, who had already excused herself to go and prepare the infirmary to receive the unconscious councilman.

"Did something happen before he fell unconscious?" Belno questioned eventually.

"I…" Erza hesitated. Her own pride had made her leave the kiss out of her previous account of events – she didn't know what to make of it. Not at all.

"Something significant. Emotionally," the older woman specified.

"Do you think it might be something in his mind?" Makarov questioned. He had known the Councilwoman for many years through Yajima – he was perfectly aware that her specialization was Mind-Manipulation Magic, not simply as a user but also as an enforcer. She had been instrumental in regulating that field to avoid abuses of power through it… and now, she seemed to be on to something.

"Miss Scarlet did mention Siegrain seemed to have a sharp pain in his head right before the event – if there is no physical explanation…"

By that time, Erza was biting on her lip hard enough to bruise it – she couldn't hide it. Not anymore when it seemed to be that important. "He… he kissed me. Right before the pain. He… I do not think he is who he says he is… the way he acted… I think he is someone from my past… someone I knew a long time ago."

Belno was quiet for a while. "I see."

"Will you look?" Makarov questioned. He didn't need to say where, since it was implied – his mind. Siegrain… Jellal's mind.

"I have no choice. If his mind is somehow compromised… I won't go deep enough to invade his privacy. Only a peak so I know what we are dealing with."

Only a peak had more than sufficed – the woman had looked for barely a minute before re-emerging before resurfacing with a look of the utmost disgust.

The diagnosis was grim: "Somebody did quite a mess with this young man's head."

Those were the words that had changed everything. Belno had explained it as well as she could: there was a shadow in Jellal's mind – a shadow that lurked everywhere, bending his will, whispering thoughts, strangling his conscience until it was made into nothing… It shaped him the way it wanted to, took away inhibitions, warped the good into the bad… he wasn't a shell of a puppet but his thoughts were so deeply twisted that they were not even his own.

"It is magic of the darkest kind," Belno explained. "Everything that I have tried to outlaw in my career… and by the looks of it, this has been happening for who knows how long right under my nose." She seemed to take that as a personal affront.

Erza didn't know when her hand had reached for Jellal's, but she found herself grasping it all of a sudden, somehow feeling like he needed her strength at that moment.

"Can you fix it?" was the Master's question.

Belno shook her head. "The human mind does not take kindly to outside interference."

"So there is no hope?" Erza said, a hint of despair in her tone. She could not accept that – she simply couldn't.

"I did not say, that. Tell me, Miss Scarlet, can you guess why Siegrain… Jellal… whatever is real name might be, is unconscious at the moment?" Erza shook her head. "You must have been very important to him. Subtlety was what made this spell so successful, you see? I think his mind did not even realize that it was being manipulated, so it never fought back. But then, he kissed you, Miss Scarlet, and that must have caused an emotional reaction so powerful that went even beyond the bonds of that spell's control, exposing it. And, as I said, the human mind does not take kindly to outside interference."

"So… it is healing itself?"

"I would guess the word fighting would be more appropriate," Makarov suggested. "Am I correct, Councilwoman?"

The woman nodded. "This is a matter of battling, not convalescing. Losing is a very real possibility – only time will tell the outcome of this."

"So, he could stay as he was?" Erza questioned. "As… as Siegrain? Forever?"

That time, however, the woman shook his head. "No, I very much doubt it. You see, a loss would mean catastrophic damage to his mind. Damage impossible to recover from. To put it simply, I would guess that he will either wake up as his own self, or he will not wake up at all."

Later, the Master would tell Jellal that he had never seen Erza Scarlet looking as fearful as when the terrifying statement had come out of Councilwoman Belno's mind.

Many hours passed before they learned the outcome of the battle inside Jellal's head – nearly a day and a half had gone by the time he started regaining consciousness and even then, he was in and out of it, practically incoherent for another day.

He did not remember any of those brief moments of consciousness – what he remembered was what had happened when he had finally woken up: lying there, slowly regaining his bearings, his memories all there but in a complete jumble… that was, until his eyes had landed on Erza, dozing on a chair by the side of the bed, and he had all of a sudden been able to sort through every recollection to know exactly in how many different ways he had wronged her.

He hadn't even realized she'd been holding his hand until he pulled his away suddenly, rousing her awake.

She'd blinked for a few moments and then her eyes had fixed on him. "Jellal…" she said softly, vaguely noticing that he seemed to be avoiding looking at her. "You have awakened."

He didn't responded – he didn't think he could make his voice work if he tried.

"Are you… yourself?"

The question had him confused enough that his voice seemed to come back, raspy and low. "What?" his eyes met her just for a moment but then he quickly looked away.

Erza had shaken her head, telling herself off in her own head for failing to take into account that his mind had never really realized it was being externally manipulated, so quite obviously he wouldn't be able to tell the difference all that clearly. "How do you feel? Does your head still hurt?"

"No," he mumbled back. "Erza… you don't have to stay."

She was confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean just that… You, you have no duty to be in my presence." He remembered the looks of distrust, of animosity she had shot him in his most recent memories. She hated him. He had made her hate him. "Not… not after everything I…"

"You did nothing," she said before he could finish.

He shook his head and his eyes met hers because he seemed unable to make his point, show that he really meant it, without facing her. "How can you say that? You can't overlook this, Erza. All those things I remember doing… They have always been here, in my head and I didn't even think to give them a second thought before today… what sort of monster does that make me?"

She moved her seat from the couch to the edge of his bed – his heart drummed in his chest faced with that – he could not bear the closeness. After all he had done, he shouldn't be within a _mile_ of her. "It is not that simple – it is quite complicated actually. I can explain."

"Erza…" he said, shaking his head, preying that she would go away – as far away from him as possible to protect herself.

" _Please_ let me explain. _Please._ "

She was begging. _Begging_ him. Why was she doing that? _Why was he making her do that?_ He had no right to make her beg. He had no right to refuse her anything… so, he nodded, and let her speak. It was the lest he could do.

The redhead explained it as well as she could. She was not versed on magic of the mind and Jellal could tell that, at times, was struggling with putting it all into words, although it was plain to see that she believed all she was saying fervently.

A shadow… mind control… no power over his decisions. The words were said repeatedly… they rang in his head.

"You were not yourself," she said in a finishing tone. "You didn't do any of it."

He thought back to the Ghost of Zeref, the words it had spoken all those years before. Could it have taken him then? Possessed him? But no, she didn't speak of possession. He would have known that he was possessed. And he would have "No… no, that does not make sense. I… I remember those things. I remember _deciding_ them. I remember thinking that you were a liability for our plans. I remember deciding that the slaves should stay. I… I remember that it _made sense_ in my mind at the time. All of it!"

"Do you remember why it made sense?" she questioned

"I…" he trailed off, his answer gone as soon as it formed. _Did_ he remember?

"Does it still? Make sense, I mean."

 _No,_ he thought to himself. _God, no!_

"Would you do it all again if you had the chance?"

Again, his answer was inside his mind. How could he do it all again when he could not understand why he had in the first place? He looked down at his hands. "I… I…"

She reached to touch his shoulder. "Jellal…"

The depth of it was just hitting him. "I got that tower built," he said in disgust. "I was going to resurrect Zeref. I…" he looked up at her and she could see the revulsion in his eyes. "I was going to _sacrifice_ you to him."

Her heart jolted on her chest. "You… you didn't mean it," she managed to say despite herself.

"I was going to kill you, Erza," he said slowly, horrified with his own words.

She was starting to become fearful – not _of_ him… _for_ him. His ill intentions towards her seemed to be affecting him more than anything else. She could tell he was within seconds of giving himself a panic attack… and his mind was battered enough as it was. What if he gave himself permanent damage?

"You, of all the people in the world…" he was saying. "Why would I pick _you_? Why…?"

 _Slap!_

Whacking across the face as was the first thing she could think of to get him off whatever self-hatred chain of thought he seemed to be on at the moment. "Stop saying those things! You didn't kill me. I am _alive_. Whatever your plans were, they were not your own! If anything, this reaction should prove that much to you! So, stop blaming yourself! You couldn't control it any more than I could."

He didn't respond. He just sat there on the bed, his fingers touching his no-doubt stinging cheek (despite the measured strength she had used) in utter silence. She didn't notice the first tear until it fell down his cheek and landed on the sheets bundled on his lap. "Erza…" he started. "Erza, I am so sor…"

She launched herself at him before he could finish her sentence, clutching him so hard against her chest that her armor probably bruised him. (Later, he would ask why she wore it all the time and she would find herself unable to answer and break his heart with the fact that his betrayal had damaged her enough that she always needed a layer of metal to emotionally protect herself from the world. That would be the last time she wore armor around him in private).

"Don't say it!" she all but shouted at his ear. "There is nothing to forgive. _Nothing at all._ " He hadn't said anything afterwards – not a word. His response was physical rather than verbal, after all – his arms, that had been resting limply on his lap before, moved up to wrap themselves around her in return and he hid his face on the hair hanging by her neck, his hand grabbing a handful of it and clutching it for dear life, finally accepting her offer of comfort.

It would have been nice if it had ended there, in the climax of their reunion after years of wrongful separation. It would have been nice if they could just walk into the sunset together after that. But it wasn't that easy.

His mind had been under somebody else's control for years and he had been a Councilman. Such notions should not have been compatible – there were procedures in place to screen that sort of thing, many of them created by Belno herself. Siegrain should not have been able to go around undetected for so long. Thus, the answer was clear – it had to have been done from the inside. Whoever was controlling Jellal Fernandes must be a member of the Magic Council. Not just a member but someone with enough power to forge the results of screenings such as that one, which not many people had access to, and erase all trace – Councilmen and Councilwomen figured among those people, which meant they couldn't trust anybody in the Magic Council to handle that matter… and that they also could not afford to raise suspicions through Siegrain's unexplained absence, much less reveal what had been done to him.

Belno had figured out as much basically as soon as she had found the shadow on Jellal's mind and even with him unconscious had sent word to the Council (along with a letter from Porlyusica) that their trip had needed to be extended for medical reasons as he had caught a horrible case of food poisoning. They needed that extra time to evaluate everything and try to form a semblance of a plan. She and Makarov were not looking forward to put the boy through another ordeal, but they still had to put all the cards on the table for him to make an informed decision.

So, early on the hours of the day after he had finally regained consciousness, in one of the brief occasions in which Erza had left Jellal's side (that time, for the sake of going to Fairy Hills to shower and change) the two elders had headed to the infirmary intending to expose all the facts to him… only to hit the first bump on the road when Jellal greeted Belno with a string of apologies including, but not limited to, calling her a hag repeatedly in his mind.

"Even if you never heard it, it was very rude," he had humbly said, looking extremely ashamed about it. "I am also sorry that I convinced everyone to support cutting the funds to the Dark Guild taskforce that you formed so that you would stop giving trouble to the guilds working under Oracion Seis … They need to be stopped and it was wrong of me to ruin the work that you have done in that direction, which was actually really good."

He could not have been more unlike the cocky, prideful and egotist Siegrain if he tried. That was not going to make things easier for them. Still, they had go on as planned.

They started out by asking him what he knew and he immediately offered all the knowledge he had about the R-system and the plan to revive Zeref, knowledge that, in all, they thought was quite limited. Afterwards, they told him what _they_ knew: that whoever was controlling him must be working in the Council as well, that him leaving it now would leave a lot of questions unanswered and might even be dangerous to him and that best way to unearth the whole conspiracy around Zeref's resurrection was for him to return to the council and keep playing the part of Siegrain in an attempt to find out more and give them time while they did their own investigation on the outside.

"Do not feel obliged to do anything, my boy," Makarov had told him. "This is a dangerous mission and the ultimate decision rests with you. Nobody would blame you for refusing. I will not lie and say that your help wouldn't be tremendous but say the word, and we can find an alternative and get you somewhere safe to stay until this blows over. After all you have been through, you every right to want to be left alone."

They left him alone to think afterwards and by the time Erza returned, he'd already made up his mind. Erza, predictably, was vehemently against it.

"You can't! Haven't you had enough?" she shouted.

"I _have_ to, Erza! Wally, Shô, Millianna, Simon… they're still at that place and no matter who was pulling the strings, it was still me who put them there. I have to at least get them out and even then we won't be safe – nobody will be until we get to the bottom of this. Someone is trying to revive _Zeref_! Surely, they won't be doing that in order to have tea with him! Just try to imagine what they could want him for!"

He might not have kept Siegrain flare for dishonesty, but he certainly did not become any less argumentative.

"Jellal… you _hate_ lying. You loathe it." Or at least he used to. That, she thought, was why he was always so bad at it. "If you do this, you will have to lie every day."

"I know," he said, looking down sadly. "But I have to do this, Erza. I have to do this to make things right – nobody else in a position to."

And as much as she hated the idea, she had to admit that Jellal – or rather his alter-ego, Siegrain – was truly in the center of everything in that conspiracy. Nobody on their side held such a valuable position. So, because she knew better than to think that she would be able to talk him out of it, she sought out to help him the best way she could.

The best way, it turned out, was by recruiting someone to coach him back into his (or rather Siegrain's) lying skills – that person being their former star of transformation magic and infiltration skills, Mirajane. She was just starting to come around after her sister's death, six months prior, and had recently started a waitressing job at the guild after losing the ability to summon up her magic had forced her to retire as a mage. There was still a lot of anger and grief within her over the loss of Lisanna, but she was still happy to help when Erza asked. Helping other people had become a bit of a therapy to her lately.

So, for the three day they had left until the Council expected Siegrain and Belno back, Erza sat with Jellal for hours upon hours as Mira gave him all the pointers he already knew but instinctively shied away from and then thoroughly drilled him through numerous role-play scenarios until he was able to lie his way through them.

Those days were a series of contradictions for the both of them. He was relieved that he could still lie his way through a situation if he really had to (if he really focused on why he was doing it; not to hurt but to protect, to save his friends, his family… everyone), but disgusted with the fact that he would have to go on manipulating Ultear and his own friends into helping him with his plans; eager to embark into his new mission and make things right, but hesitant to walk right back into the hell that deceptive life was, especially without Erza there to reassure him about it.

For all her hesitations about that plan, once he had made up his mind about it, she became his biggest supporter in it – she didn't really have a choice in that, did she? The fact was that she was the one he always came to for encouragement these days, their roles from their childhood having somewhat reversed in that area, even if the feelings between them (the closeness, the trust, the shared comfort) had been almost pristinely restored… perhaps with some more adult feelings in the mix that should be address at another time. All that mattered was that he was relying on her and even if she abhorred the idea of him walking right back into the wolf's lair, she knew he wasn't backing off, therefore she had to help him succeed, be by reminding him why he was doing what he was doing or by pointing out that the people he was 'manipulating' – Ultear, Simon, Wally, Shô, Millianna – were pawns just as he was and that if he suddenly decided to dismiss them, someone might think them expendable and act accordingly meaning that, in a way, his actions were protecting them more than anyone.

Eventually, the time for goodbyes had to come. Ironically, perhaps, they chose to have their private one in the room where it had all started – the room where Siegrain had chosen to interrogate Erza Scarlet.

As the young man looked around, he couldn't help but shift his weight between his legs, recalling the events that had transpired in that room. He became especially nervous when his eyes landed on the wall against which he had…

"We…" he started. "We never did talk about what happened here…"

"Haven't we?" Erza questioned.

"Not about t-that k-kiss…"

"Oh," she mumbled, her cheeks coloring a little.

He sighed. "I had no right…"

"Don't," she interrupted. "Do _not_ regret that kiss! It brought you back! If we had to redo that day all over again, that would be the one thing I would fight tooth and nail to make it happen again, so don't even try to think of it as a bad thing."

"Even though it wasn't exactly consensual?"

She took a blushed a little more. "If… if I'd known from the beginning that it was you, it might have been," she mumbled. She wasn't sure why she said that – she could have just as easily brushed off his guilt about that same as she had about everything else. Yet, he was leaving on a dangerous mission that he might not come back from, even if she refused to acknowledge that fact – there was no time for hesitations.

Jellal's response must have taken that into account because, blush firmly etched on his cheeks as well, he decided to go ahead and be just as bold. "Should we fix it, then?"

"Oh?" Erza mumbled surprised. Did he mean what she thought he meant?

He didn't go into much detail, his face just reddening more and more by the second. And since they were being bold, she went ahead and just took that as a yes, taking a couple of steps towards him and standing on the tip of her toes so that her lips could reach his.

It was a sweet kiss – not particularly intense, but still just right. It said all the words they wanted to say without them needing to actually speak them. Once it was over, they just stood there together, foreheads touching. There was no need to discuss what that meant to their relationship – both of them knew it by heart. So, as they parted ways, they did so with a new something to look forward to in the future.

Longer meetings between then were practically non-existant in the months that came after. They still managed to find plenty of excuses to meet, though: as far as the world knew, Siegrain was on a vendetta against Erza Scarlet, making a point of summoning her to the council every time she as much as stepped a toe out of the line; as for Erza herself, she appeared to be in an unfortunate string of jobs with rather destructive results. It was very unfortunate mix, many believed.

It took weeks and numerous 'reprimands' from the council for them to arrange that meeting in his apartment, so frustrated they were with being limited to brief contact only. She needed to make sure not to be seen and he needed to sweep his mausoleum of a home (same as he has his office) for tapping spells, spying devices and really anything that might reveal what was going on within those walls to the exterior, while at the same time not being obvious about it in case he _was_ being watched… nothing could be left to chance, lest they be found.

It all worked out in the end for the meeting, which, finally, brought them back to that day.

"I sent the others to the East, near the border," Jellal told her, referring to Wally, Shô, Millianna and Simon as they sat together on the couch. He might not be able to dismiss them, but he made a point of constantly sending them on missions (utter goose chases) as far away and for as long as possible. "They are to remain undercover for a month and report on their findings."

"What sort of findings?" There was next to nothing but woods and mountain ranges on that part of Fiore.

He shrugged. "Alternative Lacrima sources," he stated. "There are very popular cave systems in that area. They will probably have fun exploring them all."

"So basically you sent them on a holiday," Erza pointed out, amused.

Jellal sighed. "They've already been cooped up too long. They should get to see the beauty in the world. Millianna didn't even know how to use money until last month. It was terrible seeing her struggling with spare change!"

She smiled. "You are doing right by them now."

He sighed. "Too little too late."

The redhead shook her head. "They are your friends. They will understand once we explain."

He didn't respond to that – he dreaded the day when he would have to tell them about his misdeeds, feared the possibility that they might hate him for it. "I think Simon is starting to get suspicious about the missions," he said, shifting the subject a little.

"Well, you can only send him on goose chases so many times before he notices. Simon was always smart," Erza pointed out.

He nodded. "I don't think he trusts me as blindly as the others do… I don't think he ever did,," he said. "I'm glad, if that's really the case."

Erza nodded. "Him doubting your plans will make it easier for him to believe us once we tell them we're trying to bring them down," she said. "I was thinking… since the Master thinks we may be close to a breakthrough, perhaps I could have a word with him and ask him if it would be acceptable for next time you send them on an 'extended mission', you send them to us instead. We could set them up in a safe house, keep them safe until this was all over…"

"That…" Jellal paused, sighed. "Mavis, that would be such a relief…"

She placed her hand above his as it rested on his leg, understandingly – she had been anxious about their safety too, after all – and he turned his own upwards, lacing their fingers together. As his eyes rested on them, he hoped.

"You never did say what had happened that is leading the Master to believe that this is close to over," he pointed out.

"Oh, you are correct right. Cobra is cooperating," she said.

It had been Jellal's memory of handing over the children that would one day be the members of Oracion Seis to Brain that had set them on their trail, thinking them somewhat connected to the entire plan behind the Tower of Heaven. After a secret joint operation with select members of Blue Pegasus and Lamia Scale (recruited through Master Makarov's most trusted friends and fellow Masters), the guild had been captured and was currently captive in the basement of the Dreyar house (except for Brain, who had perished in the operation), where they had been for the past five weeks.

Out of the five, only Hoteye, or rather Richard, had been of any help up until recently – he had been quickly identified as Wally's brother and it took little more than revealing that they knew Wally's whereabouts and promising to reunite them as soon as it was safe to get him to offer all the information that he knew, which directly pointed to Grimoire Heart as the brains behind the tower. He had even gone as far as to keep sending fake versions of their usual reports to Grimoire Heart so they wouldn't notice that their vassal guild had simply vanished and become suspicious of anything.

Cobra, however, same as Racer, Angel and Midnight, hadn't been inclined to do much in ways of helping – if anything, he had become more hostile than the others since his snake, Cubellios, had been taken away because it turned out that she was a bewitched girl. Everything had started to change, however, when Kinana – the real girl behind the snake – started paying him (heavily guarded) visits, in an attempt to recover the memories that she had lost. It had taken him only a couple of visits to start asking what it would take for him to get a reduced sentence after his eventual trial – as soon as Belno had drafted him a deal of leniency in exchange for information, all sorts of information about the guild's dealings and Brain (though next to nothing incriminating about his comrades) had flowed out of him.

"Really? What did he say?" Jellal questioned,

"Well, he gave us some information about the smaller Dark Guilds working under them, though we already had plenty from Richard. He also had more to say about Grimoire Heart since Brain seemed to rely more on him and Midnight than the others for important matters. He never met any members – Brain was the one who handled meetings personally – but his ability to listen into people's minds… let us simply say that Brain always had a lot on his mind after meetings with his superiors."

"Anything interesting?"

"It is all rather vague. No names – Brain was aware of Cobra's ability, after all. The Grimoire's master is old… very powerful, Cobra thinks Brain may have even feared him… At least one of the members appears to have fire-related powers, another one seems to have a childish appearance… perhaps even be a child herself… Brain called her a 'sadistic little loli'."

"God…" Jellal said, distastefully.

Erza nodded. "There were other descriptions – by the sound of it, they all seem to be extremely powerful. One of those descriptions was especially… instructive. A woman. He called her 'the council bitch'."

He frowned. "'The council'… you think he meant the Magic Council."

Erza nodded. "It seems to fit. Especially once you hear the rest. You see, this woman seems to be very influential. Brain thought of her often after going to meet Grimoire Heart – he disliked her, it seems. Felt like she was stepping above her place. At one point, when he was feeling particularly petty towards her, he lamented the fact that he had taken her from her 'frigid mother' and not just left her to 'die as an icicle same as she had'."

For a moment, no word was exchanged between them. And then, it dawned on him. "You think… you think it's…"

"Ultear," Erza finished for him.

Ultear, as his accomplice in his plans, has been one of the many subjects that had been broached all those months back when he had awoken, so to speak. He had told them – Erza, Belno and Makarov – all he had known about the woman, which wasn't all that much, but still more than what was common knowledge. She was the daughter of Ur, the Ice Mage, and thought herself abandoned by her. The Master had been quick to relate that with Gray's master and called him into the discussion, only for him to defend Ur with tooth and nail, declaring that she had thought her daughter deceased and grieved her until the day she died. It had taken more than a little effort to keep Gray from immediately making his way to Era to go shout that right on Ultear's face and it was only with the promise that he would have the chance to have a long talk with her after everything was over that the matter was settled.

Still, they'd had trouble finding an explanation for why Ur thought her daughter dead and Utear thought herself abandoned. Because Jellal had been so outspokenly ashamed to admit that he, as Siegrain, had been so blatantly using her own traumas to manipulate her into helping him with his sordid plans, which made her a clear pawn, they hadn't bothered to dig up too much on her. In hindsight, that had been a mistake.

Jellal shook his head. "No… no, Ultear is not in a Dark Guild," he said. "Especially not one as powerful as Grimoire Heart! Why would she let me use her as some sort of … _minion_ if she were?"

" _Is_ she letting you?" Erza countered.

"Wha… what do you mean?"

"She is a very powerful mage, Jellal – you said so yourself. Ice Magic, Lost Magic like the Arc of Time… Also very intelligent. Does it make sense that she would succumb to manipulation so easily?"

"Don't underestimate how convincing I could be Erza," he warned her darkly. He still held a lot of guild over the means he, as Siegrain, had used to bend Ultear to his will. "I used her mother, Erza – that's her weak spot, if she's ever had one. With Ur as a card on my sleeve, I used nearly every trick in the book to pull Ultear to my side – she's half convinced that Zeref can bring her mother back to life so she can confront her! It's horrifying!"

"I understand how Ur may be a vulnerability of hers but don't forget that she is a vulnerability that _she_ has told you about!" Erza pointed out. "She gave you the weapon to use against herself, Jellal! What makes you so sure that it wasn't actually just a prop?"

"I…" He couldn't say a word – Erza's words made sense but the guilt he harbored hindered his ability to truly consider them.

Erza sighed. Maybe she had pushed him too hard – she had known, from all he had told her, that he felt just as guilty about his treatment of Ultear as he did about Wally, Millianna, Shô and Simon. She couldn't imagine that it would have been easy for him – or even herself – to hear that the person they were so desperate to make up to might be some sort of evil mastermind. "Maybe I am getting ahead of myself… we still have not confirmed that she was the one… although you must admit that she fits the description."

He nodded faintly without speaking. That, he could not deny.

"You didn't know you were being controlled, Jellal… you had no idea," she further pointed out. "Someone in the council was involved in this and she is very close to you in there… you need to consider all possibilities."

"I know," he said faintly. "I do and… don't take this the wrong way, but I really hope that you are wrong."

And Erza didn't, because she knew better than anyone what betrayal from a friend felt like. "I understand."

He sighed, sinking against the back of the couch exhaustedly. "God… I just wish this would be over already, you know?"

"I know," she said softly. "You are not the only one."

He didn't respond. Their hands were still together. For a moment, he just sat there, watching their fingers entwined together, until she spoke.

"So, this is your home." Her words were a blatant attempt to change the subject since the current one had him so tense.

"No," he said, not looking away from their hands. "This is where I live. There is nothing homey about it…"

Erza simply nodded. "I will admit that it did seem a bit… cold when I first came in."

"I can't believe that I actually picked it to live in. It's so… soulless." Just as he had been, so in a way he could understand what had attracted him there.

"Technically, you didn't pick," Erza pointed out. "Or at least your judgment was impaired."

He sighed. "I guess you have that right… it's not so bad with you here. How long can you stay?"

"Until tomorrow night," she said.

His eyes widened. "Really?" That was actually longer than he'd expected – longer than he'd dared to hope for.

"Unless that will disturb your plans. I could always leave later tonight. As long as it is at night…"

"No! Stay!" he said immediately, his hand tightening around hers. "Please stay, for as long as you can…"

"I will," she promised, grasping his hand back.

He smiled, happy with her answer and then, most sweetly, brought their joint hands up to his lips pressing a kiss against hers. Erza smiled back and then, after getting their hands out of the way, reached to press her own lips against his.

It was a nice, comfortable kiss – he didn't even hesitate before responding in kind, so comfortable that they were with that type of gesture. Kissing was now an integral part of that unspoken little relationship between them – they did it often in their brief meetings, finding that one single kiss could bring more comfort to one another in the short amounts of time that they had to share than about a hundred words could.

Perhaps it was the fact that they knew they had far more than a few minutes that day that made that one kiss different from the others. It wasn't as desperate or as rushed as the usual. They spent a while just peppering each other's lips with small but sweet little pecks before settling in a longer, more intense kiss, their lips parting as they savored one another, not at all in a rush.

It was nice. Right. They could hardly wait for the time to come when they could do that whenever they wanted to and not just sneak brief moments every once in a while.

When his lips left hers, he moved them to kiss her cheek, then a little father up and then, finally, the paused above her ear, his hand dropping from her face to rest against the side of her of her neck.

"I love you," he whispered, feeling her heart jolting in response. "I have never said it, but I really do… You were the best thing in my life when we were children and you are the best thing now as well… I think that even in my darkest times, I still loved you, even if in a terrible, twisted way."

He could feel her pulse racing against his hand before she started to pull away, just enough so that she could look him in the eyes, hers speaking a thousand sentences all at once for the brief moments in which they were locked into one another. Then, she leaned forward and pressed another kiss on his lips, that time jumping straight into the more intense fashion, putting more emotion into that kiss than ever before.

His stomach fluttered unbelievably and for a moment he felt exactly like the teenager than he was but never quite enjoyed being.

When she pulled back, both of her hands took his own and she looked down at them, her eyes fully on them, connected. "I told myself so many times that it was wrong to still love you despite… despite what I thought you had done. It made me resent you so much… But I could not stop it if I tried."

He smiled and then chuckled. "Is it bad than I'm glad you couldn't?"

"No," she said, looking up to meet his eyes as he looked down at her, so unrestrainedly happy. "I am glad that I couldn't either."

She found herself often in deep wonder just due to his presence. He was there, Jellal Fernandes right there in front of her and as a friend (more, so much _more_ than a friend) rather than a foe. It had been a recurrent dream of hers for years, having him back, only to find herself waking up to a world where that wasn't true. That time, however, she knew that she wouldn't wake up – were it a dream, it wouldn't be so hard, they wouldn't have to spend so long apart, risk so much… they would just be happy without having to fight for it and wonder every time they were together if they would make it to the next one.

Just the thought of what was at stake lit up something within her – something primal that told her not to waste a second together. So, without prompting, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss, much more intense than the previous, to the point that she found herself leaning back along the sofa as she pulled him to lie above her, which he didn't seem to have been expecting.

"E-Erza?" he mumbled, pulling their lips apart from the surprise…

"Shush… just kiss me," she demanded. And, although he did blink some more, he complied, joining their lips again.

It was different, kissing like that with him on her, their bodies fitting together in the most perfect fashion. The contact wasn't all that much more than when they hugged, but the horizontal factor made it all the more… intimate. She liked that – it was exactly what she was aiming for.

They kissed until they were out of breath and after wards she moved on to nuzzle his neck as he sweetly brushed his lips against her cheek, her temple, her hair… She could tell that he was struggling with where to place his hands on her body, trying not to be too chaste but at the same time not too presumptuous. She ended up guiding them towards her hips, in a place dangerously close to her backside, which had him jolting from the surprise, though he quickly recovered.

They grew bolder by the second. Bolder than ever before: his lips teasing a trail down here neck, over her collarbone, hinting at a path soon extending under her clothes; her hands unbuttoning the lower button of his rich councilman shirt; their hips grinding most obscenely.

At some point, it reached a level Jellal would consider nearly unbearable, which had him putting a stop to it before he couldn't. "Erza," he spoke, his breath heavy. "M-maybe we should stop this now," he suggested. "Before it gets too out of hand."

"Maybe we shouldn't," she offered instead.

He blinked. She blinked back. For about ten seconds, they just held each other's gaze.

"… what?"

"I meant… maybe this ought to be let out of hand," she insisted even though part of her brain was screaming at her to retract.

"You mean…"

She nodded, blushing.

He frowned a little. "But… wasn't I supposed to take you somewhere nice for dinner before anything like this happened? Several dinners, I think. And a few walks in a park… maybe a boat ride or two," he mumbled, frowning at how little time he had been able to invest into their courting. She deserved the world and he gave her next to nothing…

She shook her head. "I can content myself with the knowledge that would have done all of that if you could. Besides… this is a dangerous business we are involved with. If anything were to happen to us… I would want us to still have this… this memory…"

That much was true – he could not deny it – but he was a little hesitant. "Are you s…?"

" _Yes!_ "

"Okay," he quickly agreed before slowing down a little. "Okay… so this is it…"

"This is it," she confirmed reaching up and placing a kiss on his lips.

It was through unspoken agreement that they moved things to his bedroom, him leading her by the hand as they walked towards it. They resumed what had been going on in the living room by falling together on the wide, soft, luxurious bed that Jellal usually disliked but didn't feel so bad about at the moment.

Inexperience reigned. None of them really quite knew what they were doing, not even Erza, so well-versed in the reading of all things naughty which, she came to realize, didn't work so well as instruction manuals. In the beginning, there was a dose of embarrassment over being completely lost, but once it became clear that they were both on the same boat, what was starting to become a bit of a disaster became what they did the best – working as a team. So, allied in their greenness on the subject, they embarked in a road of self-discovery.

They took their time exploring one another – they did have more of it than usual that night – using it to tests the waters, map out each other's bodies, tease, touch… and so much more. Every bit of information was meticulously filed down in their heads for future reference: what worked, what didn't, what caused him to catch his breath or her to make the most delicious sounds that had no business being made outside of the privacy of that bedroom.

It was loving, awkward and beautiful all on one go, maybe with a tiny bit of pain that was quickly forgotten in the midst of the wonder of moving as one, showing each other through the most intimate they're just how deep the words 'I love you' ran in both of them. The height of the intensity was almost unbelievable, unbearable… pure instinct having them moving as lovers utterly focused on one another, as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist.

At the end, they found themselves occupying one single-person-sized portion of the bed, Erza slumped atop him, basking on the height of the afterglow. Jellal was the first to recover, perhaps because she was starting to weigh down on him a little, and carefully tried to remove himself from under her, gently transferring her onto the mattress, where she came to lie stomach down. He settled on his side right by her, so close that they were touching, and gingerly started combing with his fingers through the long red hair fanned messily against her back, trying to make it a little less tangled. She seemed to enjoy it, making some sort of cat-like sound as he did so and every so often ended up brushing the damp skin of her back too.

For about five minutes, as she remained partially dozing, he did just that, but once he felt her starting to stir, he just brushed her hair to the side, exposing her shoulder, and placed a kiss on it.

"Are you okay?" Jellal asked.

She nodded, turning her face on the pillow to face him with bleary eyes. "Mmhmm," the redhead mumbled against the pillow. "I am perfect."

He chuckled. "I wholeheartedly agree."

She glared a little. "I did not mean that as a compliment to myself."

"I did," he mumbled, reaching to place a kiss on her lips. "Regrets?"

"Only that I cannot stay much longer… maybe I could extend my stay until Sunday night, but past that…"

"Don't risk yourself on my account," Jellal told her, concerned. "I don't know what I would do with myself if I lost you… especially now, Erza."

She shook her head against the pillow. "You won't. I won't lose you either, if you know what is good for you," Erza added, a hint of a threat in her voice.

"I assure you that I will do my best to keep that from happening," he promised.

"I will hold you to that."

The rest of the weekend passed on a blur. They spent a great deal of time putting everything they had learned on that Friday evening to test on one another, only to achieve truly outstanding results.

But it wasn't all about being physical with one another – there were various moments in which their intimacy was of a more domestic nature, him cooking while she sat on the counter talking to him, them cuddling on the couch together, him living up to his excuse to leave the council early on Friday by finishing his work with her hovering nearby, curious about it.

It was with great relief that she discovered that not all things were bad about Jellal's dealings at the council – for instance, she found him drafting a proposal to assign leftover money from certain departments to the Magical Orphan Fund that provided allowances to guilds like Fairy Tail who took over the duties of guardians to parent-less mage children.

"Even before… as Siegrain, I mean, I used to work on projects like this," he explained. "Back then it was only for notoriety, though… Councilman Siegrain isn't one of the most popular in the council for no reason… now, I guess it's a bit like therapy to me."

But sooner or later, they knew that the time to part again was coming. Sunday afternoon passed in a rush and faced with the impending separation, they spend most of it in the bedroom, committing every inch of each other's bodies to memory.

It was nearly midnight when the dreaded time came for them to say their goodbyes…

"Take an umbrella – it's raining," he told her protectively as they stood at the entrance hall of then apartment.

She shook her head. "I have plenty of umbrellas in my requip space."

He paused and they looked at one another mournfully. Then, he opened his arms and she made her way straight to them. "I don't want you to go," he confessed.

"I don't want to go," she replied. "But I have to…"

"I know…"

"I would promise to try and do this again soon, but hopefully we will not have enough time to make it to 'soon'. In a good way, I mean," she stated, pulling back to look at him.

"Yeah… hopefully we'll be free of all this before then," he agreed. "Do you think… do you think after this is all over we could…?"

" _Yes_!"

He frowned. "You didn't even let me finish," he argued.

She shook her head. "You said 'we'. As long as it involves the two of us, we can do anything as far as I am concerned."

"What if I was going to suggest something horrible? Like cutting sugar out of our diets?" he pointed out.

She glared. "You know better."

He chuckled. "I do… I was going to suggest a vacation, actually. A week somewhere – just the two of us."

She nodded. "That sounds like a wonderful plan."

"Good… then it's a deal," he said.

And to seal it fully they kissed on it and then spend about a whole other minute just hugging silent, reluctant to let go. They had to in the end, Erza actually having to take a step back away from him to force herself to go.

"I will speak to the Master about setting the others up on a safe-house and find a way to let you know what he says," she promised.

He nodded. "Please do."

"Be careful," she told him. "I know we still don't know for sure if she's the one but… be cautious around Ultear. Just in case."

"I will be," he promised.

"I love you," she finally reminded him.

He smiled sadly. "I love you too."

She only had the courage to lean in and give him a little peck before rushing to the door and opening it up. He followed and held it for her as she made her way out, watching sadly as she walked away, towards the stairs. She had already disappeared down them when he started to close the door… only to have it pushed back open as she rushed back and stepped in, planting another kiss on him, that one much deeper than the previous.

When she stepped back, she looked mildly ashamed. "I have no discipline."

"I deeply appreciate that," he assured.

"I really have to go now," she said.

"Go," he urged her. "We'll see each other again soon."

"I hope so."

And that time, she really did leave. When he closed the door behind her, he found himself missing her already. Every corner his eyes landed on seemed to bring him a different memory of something or other they had done in it… it made him feel a little sad and at the same time better. Erza had unquestionably been there and, in a way, the place he hesitated to call a home felt homier than ever.

Later, as he lay alone in the bed where so much had happened in the past couple of nights, he closed his eyes and sighed. It was nearly over, he told himself, holding onto Makarov's belief like a lifeline. They would have their happy ending soon.

And once they did, he promised himself, he would never let it go.

 **The End**

 **A/N2: So... is this worth continuing? Let me know.**

 **Love, Bella!**


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